Food Chemicals

This category contains 3 posts

When the “Experts” Get It Wrong

Dry ingredients for a Wacky Cake - ingredients...
I used to be a big fan of Jane Brody, a New York Times columnist on nutrition. Hers was the first book on nutrition I owned, and man, did I ever pour over that mother! I highlighted, made notes in the margin, dog-eared favorite pages. She graduated in 1952 from Cornell with a degree in biochemistry. Jane knew what she was talking about. She was a product of the same school that spawned T. Colin Campbell, The China Study and Forks Over Knives guy. So when she wrote an article that was published just this morning in the New York Times entitled “Why Cafeteria Food Is the Best,” I thought surely it was a satirical piece. She couldn’t possibly believe this. Yeah, I was wrong. She believes it, and even cited studies to prove it. Well, cited is the wrong word…. told us where the studies came from, but didn’t give the study names, which would make them easier to tear apart and disprove for questionable variables and controls. (Yeah, I’m THAT kind of study bitch critic.)

I love this quote in the article: “About 90 percent of lunches from home contained desserts, snack chips, and sweetened beverages…”  What the hell do you think that cup of milk that you’re offering contains? Lactose is a sugar. We shouldn’t be consuming it in any form because we do not naturally have the enzyme needed to digest it. If it’s in the form of non-sweetened yogurt, we’ve got a shot because it’s already partially digested, but other than that, we shouldn’t be drinking the shit. Also, ever look on a carton of chocolate milk? That shit MUST have sugar added in order to make it palatable. Cocoa comes from a bitter, bitter bean. The cocoa powder that many people bake with must have sugar added to the recipe so we want to eat the food. Ever tasted cocoa without sugar? I’d rather suck on a lemon!

This correlation in Ms. Brody’s article just killed me: “there has been no increase in food wasted by children who eat school lunches since rule changes took effect in 2012. About the same percentage of foods were uneaten and discarded as were wasted the year before.” Bottom line: kids are still wasting the food. They STILL don’t like it. Could that mean schools are still serving foods that kids don’t like? Hmmm? I have a recipe for homemade chocolate cake that is completely balanced, nutritious, and ooey gooey delicious, and guess what? The two versions each contain either a fruit or a vegetable. Kids don’t even know they’re eating them. I’m guessing the schools don’t know how to make anything that creative and delicious.

It doesn’t matter what studies Ms. Brody cited. Read the nutrition labels on the cans and boxes of cafeteria food. For any non-food item listed thereon, guess what?, it’s not real fucking food. It’s a chemical experiment made to taste like real food.

This article would be better titled “Why Cafeteria Food is Better in Some Cases” for those families who cannot afford to buy any food. We have to subsist somehow. Providing the BEST food for our children starts with education of the parents as to what is best, how to grow a few things at home (in any amount of space), and how to make the most of your grocery dollar or food stamps. It’s not as difficult as many people think, and if parents are on a minuscule budget for groceries, there are tons of ways to stretch meals for pennies….. literally, pennies. Need more info? Shoot me an email at

Accident Schmackcident, I’d Have to Eat Hospital Food

I've had a migraine/headache for 6 days straig...

So yesterday I almost ended up in the hospital twice. The first time I was on my way to a friend’s house to pick up some stuff I needed for a cookout, and when I turned onto his street, a car nearly t-boned my passenger front side door. Luckily there was a side street that I was able to swerve around him. (Must have been deaf to my numerous honks that he was about to hit me.) The second time was last night with a raging migraine that took me four hours to stop the pain long enough for me to be able to sleep, and there were several times that I almost called the squad. Both times something that was playing in the back of my mind was who would bring food to me if I had to stay in the hospital? Ridiculous, right? Not really. Especially when the migraine… the severe, heading pounding, vision altering migraine that had me contorting myself every which way because certain positions can alleviate the severest of pain……. was triggered by processed food. Wish I were kidding.

I hadn’t had an aura that usually warns me of a migraine. I did earlier in the day, however, have a quick episode of a chemically-induced head pain when I bit into a piece of banana bread that had been prepared from a boxed mix (not mine). The pain was sharp, severe, but over in about 10 minutes with a lot of head massaging by me. No pain killers needed. Then late in the evening my dear daughter invited me to stop by the place where she was house sitting because she’d made peanut butter cookies. She’d also made cookies from a packaged dough that the homeowner had in the fridge. I only buy non-GMO peanut butter and never eat package dough, but my dear daughter had made them, so of course, I ate one of each. Within 15 minutes my head exploded in pain. From 1 a.m. to 5 a.m. I battled with the pain. I’d get 1-2 minutes of pain relief before it came thundering back. I sobbed, I writhed, I begged God to please take the pain away. I tried to think of what caused the migraine. Usually the barometric pressure — nope that was fine. Lack of sleep?– nope I was good there too. Had I eaten? — well, yeah, I’d had a home-cooked, organic dinner and there were…. those….. uh oh…. cookies. Shit. Why did I do that? And seriously? Two cookies would do this to me? Then I remembered the incident earlier in the day where one bite of a processed food had me spiraling into brief agony. For four hours as I ate medications like they were Tic Tacs, and struggled with the decision of whether or not to call EMS, I thought of what might happen when I got there and further, what might happen if I had to stay. With as sensitive as I obviously was to something in processed food, I’d be on a continuous cycle of meds, pain, more meds, more pain.

I decided that I wasn’t going. I could do more meds at home and slowly whatever I’d poisoned my body with would be eliminated from my system as long as I didn’t continue to eat more of it.

If the chemicals in processed food cause ME this many problems and this much pain, what might they be doing to you? If I can drop “umpteen” dress sizes on the Mean Nurse Plan I developed whereby I took 90% of the processed foods OUT of my diet and am still losing, how many pounds are those foods keeping on you? Only you know the answer to those questions.


If you would like more information on the Mean Nurse Plan contact me at:


Why “Calories In vs. Calories Out” Can Cause Weight Gain


You’ve heard for years that the equation is simple: burn off more calories than you take in, and you’ll lose weight. Seems simple enough, right? I mean, even people that aren’t good at math should be able to understand the concept without a calculator. The truth is, that logic is a bunch of hooey!

Case in point:  One person consumes an 80-calorie popular brand energy drink with Sucralose. The other person consumes an 80-calorie piece of homemade chocolate cake (yes, it’s a small piece, but bear with me) with chocolate frosting made with whole, organic ingredients, and yes, that means butter. Which one of these 80-calorie concoctions do you have a shot at burning off in its entirety with your evening session at the gym? You got it, the cake. Why? Because the cake isn’t loaded with chemicals, and all the chemicals in that energy drink were most likely encased in fat and STORED. Yes, that’s right, STORED IN FAT.

Our digestive systems are fantastic machines and know how to recognize the nutrients we need. It extracts them and sends them throughout the body for immediate use, or storage for later use. The “storage” includes muscles which will hold sugar. So the sugar in the cake can be stored for later use by the muscles OR later release, if the body needs it. When our digestive system encounters something it does not recognize, e.g. a CHEMICAL COMPOUND, it says “yeah, I don’t know what the fuck this is. It might be poison that could hurt the kidneys, liver, colon, etc., I’d better throw a blob of fat around it, and put it somewhere until I can figure it out.” Your 80 calorie concoction just got surrounded in a bunch of fat. And remember one gram of fat is 9 calories. What if each molecule of the chemicals that are inside the 80-calorie drink got surrounded by a gram of fat? That’s 9 extra calories per chemical molecule that it is now going to take to burn it off. Damn that’s a lot of gym time. I’ll take the chocolate cake and do 30 minutes on the treadmill. The fat molecules in the cake don’t need to be surrounded by more fat molecules to store them. The fat in the cake is sort of “what you see is what you get.” If the cake was made with applesauce in place of the fat, guess what… you’ve only got to worry about the carbs.

It makes me crazy when I try to explain to a coaching client that it doesn’t matter how many calories are in something, but what is making up the calories, and they turn a deaf ear. I’m committed to my clients. I’m committed to their health. I adopted the coaching philosophy of the late great Dallas Cowboys head coach Tom Landry when he said, “A coach is someone who tells you what you don’t want to hear, who has you see what you don’t want to see, so you can be who you have always known you could be.” 

I’d rather see them eat the chocolate cake, even though the more chemicals they eat, the longer they’ll need my services. It isn’t a win for me. It’s a loss for both of us.




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